Turns out they're not good parents
by I'll Cover Angel and Collins
Summary: What happens when two of your favorite characters hook up and have a child? Obviously complete chaos! As it turns out none of them are good parents. How bad are they? What kind of horrible parenting techniques will they try? What kind of couples will be in these situations? Some you would never even imagine! Going to try every single couple I can think of.
1. LeHarold

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

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Leshawna couldn't stand it anymore. Since she made the unfortunate mistake of sleeping with Harold in the bathroom confessional on that airplane and she ended up paying the price. LeShawna had a baby girl who was 4 months old and even though she loved her daughter, she couldn't stand Harold and unfortunately for her that meant that she had to have Harold in her life for the rest of her life. Harold always stayed at her house every weekend while her mother was working and he drove her nuts.

"LeShawna did you ever consider painting Kiki's room a decent shade of orange?" Harold asked her. "Maybe like an orange red."

"Harold, shut up and actually do something useful." LeShawna glared at him. "Hold her."

"That's not my job, LeShawna." Harold crossed his arms. "Did you know that a baby needs to feel his mother's touch for at least the first 6 months."

"Harold if you don't take your daughter you're going to need your mothers touch after I punch you in the face!" Leshawna glared at Harold. "You're the worst father ever!"

"No I'm not." Harold told her. "What about Michael Jackson? Madonna? Britney Spears? Oh, if you want people we know what about Duncan? who would want Duncan as a father? I think that he would put underwear in his kids sandwich because he's an asshole."

"At least if Duncan was the father of my kid then he would be locked up and I wouldn't have to see him." LeShawna told him. "I don't know why you even come over here every weekend. You never do anything and you're just annoying."

"I'm not annoying." Harold rolled his eyes. "I'm just trying to give you helpful tips to raise our child in the best way possible! It's not my fault that you're an idiot and don't understand that."

"What did you just say to me?" LeShawna glared at Harold as she gave her daughter Kiki a bottle.

"I said you were an idiot Leshawna." Harold informed her. "Are you deaf too? Also, why aren't you breastfeeding? Breast fed babies are said to have higher grades in school and turn out to be smarter then non breastfed babies! I assume that you were not breastfed LeShawna? Is that why you're such an idiot?"

"That's it Harold!" LeShawna yelled. "I give up! I'm going to stay at my cousin's house! You stay here and you keep Kiki with you!"

"This is your house." Harold muttered. "Idiot."

LeShawna placed her daughter down in the playpen next to Harold on the couch and then grabbed her purse and stormed out the door leaving Harold in her house alone. Kiki started crying and Harold just tried to sit his daughter up and when she couldn't do it she started crying and Harold called her an idiot.

"Okay Kiki." Harold picked his daughter up and placed her on the floor. "Let's practice walking."

Kiki laid on the floor and continued to cry so Harold gave her a teething ring but because she was 4 months old she really didn't have teeth yet.

"You don't even have teeth?" Harold sighed. "Curse you for not being advanced enough to have your father's love. You must get this stupidity from LeShawna."

Harold wrote a note for LeShawna's mother on the table that LeShawna and her mother were both idiots and he was leaving his daughter at the house for one of them when they came home and that he would see them next weekend. When LeShawna's mother came home she found Kiki home alone and crying. She was pissed off at both LeShawna and Harold.

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**Okay, so this idea is from so many things! This idea has come to me from my own two stories 'I'm going to marry and underage contestant' and 'My unwanted son' and it's also slightly inspired by RedEyedWarrior's fic 'Surrogate Son' all 3 of these stories have one thing in common and that would be horrible parenting styles. So, I have no clue how people are going to take this story but I like originality and I know this idea is really original. This is what's going to happen, I'm going to take these weird couples that exist and even some official ones and I'm going to try my hardest to make them the worst parents ever! If you guys have suggestions I will consider them, if you just randomly spam me guest reviews that only say couple names and have no feedback at all then it's not happening. Simple as that. **


	2. Nizzy

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

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It was 3 years ago since 19 year old Noah, who was 16 at the time stuck his dick in crazy, actually it was more like crazy stuck his dick in her when he was sleeping on the plane on that stupid reality show. Noah demanded paternity tests and unfortunately it was true that he was the father of this child.

It was Friday afternoon a little bit after 5:00pm, Noah just finished his shift at Starbucks and was on his way to pick up his son for the weekend. When he knocked on the door a woman answered it and ushered him into the living room.

"Hey Noah, how are you?" Izzy's mother asked him. "Izzy should be home soon. She took Razzle to the park."

"Let's hope she can actually be on time for once." Noah sighed.

"I hope so." Izzy's mother agreed. "You would think that being the oldest she would be more responsible."

"You would think." Noah agreed. "You and I both know that Izzy is the furthest thing from being responsible."

Izzy walked in the door right at that moment. She was wearing a baseball cap that had a unicorn on it. Noah and her mother just stared at her. She noticed and looked at them like they were nuts.

"Why are you two staring at Izzy?" Izzy asked them. "Does Izzy have something stuck in her teeth?"

"Where is Razzle?" Noah asked her. "It's my weekend to take him. Did you forget?"

"No, we don't have to do that anymore." Izzy laughed.

"Yes we do." Noah rolled his eyes. "The court says you have to give him to me every other weekend Izzy! I don't feel like playing games with you today."

"Izzy, where is Razzle?" Her mother asked her.

"Oh, Izzy traded him for this cool hat!" Izzy laughed. "Now Noah and I can share this hat instead."

"You traded our son for a stupid looking hat?!" Noah demanded to know. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"It was a really cool hat." Izzy told them. "You would have done the same thing."

"No, I wouldn't have." Noah glared at her. "You and I are going to the park and we're going to attempt to find our son."

"I don't get why everyone is making a big deal about this." Izzy sighed. "It's not like I left him in the park by himself."

"Don't you think that living him with a stranger is just as bad?" Izzy's mother glared at her. "We should have just let Noah have full custody."

"Oh hell no." Noah's eyes got wide. "He's almost just as bad as Izzy! There is no way I can watch him 7 days a week, plus college and my minimum wage shitty job at a coffee shop."

"Hey Noah, do you think that we can stop for ice cream on the way to get Razzle from the park?" Izzy asked. "They just got a new flavor the other day and I've been dyi-"

"No." Noah cut her off and sighed. "Let's just go and find him."

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When Izzy and Noah got to the park Izzy pointed to a weird man wearing tin foil on his head who was sobbing and had no pants on. Noah glared at her some more as they approached this crazy guy who looked grateful to see Izzy.

"This is who you traded our son to?" Noah asked her. "Out of everyone in the park you picked the guy with no pants and a tin foil hat?"

"Thank god your back!" The man ran up to Izzy. "Trade me my hat back! The boy is horrible!"

"Sorry, no trade backs." Izzy laughed. "Looks like I get to keep the hat!"

"Izzy!" Noah yelled at her. "Of course we're going to trade back with him! He has our son!"

"He kicked me in the kiwi's and made me cry." The man sobbed. "He also pointed to the sky and told me the aliens were coming for me so I had to make this hat out of foil from the garbage to spare myself and then he just laughed at me and he's a mean kid!"

"Where is he?" Noah sighed. "I hope you didn't trade him away..."

"I tried but nobody wanted him." the man told Noah. "He's swinging on the swing over there! Just give me back my unicorn hat and take him!"

"You left him on the swing alone?" Izzy glared at the man as she tossed him his hat. "What kind of irresponsible parent does that?! He's three and shouldn't be swinging alone!"

"Says the girl who loses him all the time." Noah muttered. "If you didn't live with your mother I'm pretty sure I would have the unfortunate task of playing full time father."

The man happily took his unicorn hat and walked away as Noah and Izzy walked up to the kid on the swing. When the kid saw Noah he ran up to him and kicked him in the balls. Izzy laughed and so did the kid.

"Hey!" Noah yelled. "What did Daddy tell you about doing that?"

"Sworry." the boy who was known as Razzle laughed.

"No you're not." Noah took his hand. "Let's go. Daddy has to study and you look like you've had a shitload of sugar today."

"Yep." Izzy laughed. "I gave him a lot just for you!"

Noah shoved Izzy and Razzle in the car and dropped Izzy off at her house. Noah was dreading this weekend. Every time he had his son and Izzy would give him candy he would be hyper and wild the whole weekend. This kid was very smart for his age and at the same time very crazy. Noah imagined this would be what Izzy was like growing up.

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When Noah got back to his shitty apartment, he was carrying his son and he placed him in front of the TV in the living room and put on cartoons before he opened up his history book and started to highlight things that would be on the test the following week. Noah looked up from the book every 15 minutes to make sure his son was still amused. During this study session Noah was having, he looked up to find that his son was gone and that his cheap apartment door was open.

"Shit." Noah muttered to himself as he looked at the door and then his book. This was a hard choice to make. Did he want to find Razzle or did he want to study for the big test? "Izzy loses him all the time, it's not like this hasn't happened before. Last time he just went across the hall where Mrs. Lawrence was making cookies."

Noah continued to study for his test feeling quite confident that he would pass.

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**Okay, with a kid named Razzle does it surprise anyone that Izzy named him? Yes, Izzy did sexually assault Noah. I wanted to make Noah look like the responsible one only for him to secretly be a bad parent too and focus more on his work then his kid, who as you can see is quite smart where he would know how to reach at door at the age of 3. I'm thinking of Gwuncan or Duncney next. Both couples will be included. I'm pretty much doing every possible couple. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'm looking forward to writing more for this story.**


	3. AleHeather

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

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Heather was loving today. It was her weekly spa trip. She was getting her hair extensions touched up so they looked more realistic. Every week she had her old ones taken out and replaced with new ones. While she was getting her hair done she had two women standing next to her, one on each side who were painting her nails.

Alejandro was across the hall in the salon getting his hair washed and his eyebrows waxed and he was about to get in the tanning bed. He was naturally tan, but who didn't need a little extra help? The two had recently got together after having an off and on again relationship since season 3.

Eventually both of them decided to do one of those couples mud bath type things. They were really enjoying themselves.

"This was a really good idea." Heather smiled at him. "I really needed it with everything going on in my life. Prom is really stressing me out! If I'm going to become prom queen and get the crown then I'll need to look better then all the other girls."

"I'll need to make sure that I look good that night." Alejandro told her. "Your school should vote for me to be the prom king because of how famous I am."

"They should." Heather agreed. "But they're all losers and wouldn't know what a great king was if you came in and hit them all upside the head."

"You're the only smart girl I know." Alejandro smiled. "Do you know how hard it is to find a beautiful woman who is not only pretty but intelligent as well? You and I were obviously meant to be."

"After this we need to stop at the party store." Heather smirked. "I need paint and bleach so that I can sabotage all the other girls dresses and chances of winning! I will be queen because I deserve it."

"Right." Alejandro agreed. "I need to get robe anyway. My younger brother keeps breaking into my room and my parents are out of town, so I'm going to trap him and leave him there all weekend."

"Carlos?" Heather sighed. "I hate him. I'm so glad you dropped Nathan off at your grandmothers so we could spend this weekend together."

"What?" Alejandro asked. "I thought he was with your parents."

"Uh...No?" Heather looked at him. "I'm pretty sure I dropped him off at your place because I had a ballet lesson."

"Yeah, but then I took him back to your house and gave him to your father." Alejandro told her "He answered the door and he told me that you were out with your friends and I really had to go to soccer practice."

"You mean last Tuesday?" Heather rolled her eyes. "I don't know why you would drop him off at my house on Tuesday! You know I always go to fashion club!"

"Is that the club you formed where a bunch of stuck up preppy girls get together and make fun of people?" Alejandro sighed. "How is that more important then soccer practice?"

"I don't just have the fashion club I have volleyball practice." Heather told him. "I need to hang out with all types of people so they'll vote me for prom queen! You can't expect me to watch Nathan during prom season."

"Whatever Heather." Alejandro sighed. "I'm sure someone has him."

"It's not like he's going to be by himself." Heather removed herself from the mud bath. "He's like almost 2 so it's not like he's a baby, it's more like a toddler."

"A few weeks ago when I finally got my leather jacket back from the dry cleaners he threw food on it." Alejandro sighed. "I had to pay $100 dollars more then I planned."

"At least he's taken care of." Heather smirked. "My mom loves kids."

As the two were drying off from the mud bath. Heather's cell phone rang and it was her sister Jenelle who was calling her. Janelle is the oldest of Heather's sisters and brothers and it 24 years old and married with 2 kids of her own.

"What Jenelle?" Heather answered her phone.

"When are you coming to pick up Nathan?" Janelle asked. "You dropped him off at my house 3 days ago! You said you were going to be back for him in a few hours! It's been days Heather! I had to go to work too! So I had to drop the kids off at daycare and I had to pay for them to watch Nathan too! You owe me $300 dollars in daycare fees!"

"Oh, so that's where he is." Heather smiled. "I'm out with Alejandro now and we're going to go shopping for my prom dress. I promise you'll that when I get a dress that I'll come and get him."

"Heather, I can't just kee-" Jenelle tried telling Heather but Heather hung up.

"Nathan is with Jenelle." Heather told Alejandro. "See? Told you nothing bad happened to him. Now let's go get a dress for me and maybe we could rent a limo?"

"Definitely." Alejandro agreed. "Our entrance must be better then everyone else's."

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**There you go. Heather and Alejandro only care about themselves. If I had to guess Heather and Alejandro would be the type to be on that show 'Teen Mom' just for attention. I would guess Heather and Alejandro did not plan this and they would rather dump their kid off with someone else and do whatever they want. As much as I love AleHeather I think they would be horrible parents who only want to be near their kid when a camera is around. **


	4. Duncney

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

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Courtney was annoyed by now. Duncan was supposed to pick up their 7 month old daughter, Kylie. Courtney was pacing around with her daughter in her arms while her daughter was crying. it was Saturday afternoon and Courtney was running late for the debate team and she was in charge of it so having her not there on time meant that people were going to be pissed off but she couldn't help it that Duncan was late.

"Mom!" Courtney walked into the kitchen with Kylie. "Can you watch her? Please just until Duncan gets here?"

"Courtney, there is no way I'm watching her." Courtney's mother told her. "I have my book club tonight, so you're just going to have to wait for him."

"How the hell is your book club more important then me being captain of the debate team?!" Courtney yelled and Kylie started to squirm and cry harder. "She's so fussy today and I have my future on the line! Mother, can't you help me? Just take her with you!"

"Courtney, she's your daughter and if I took her you wouldn't learn anything." Courtney's mother told her as she applied some lipstick. "You were the one who decided to sleep with Duncan in the first place. Now you're going to learn what happens when you make mistakes."

"He cheated on me on international TV!" Courtney yelled. "How is this all my fault?!"

"Courtney, you know I'm not a big fan of Duncan but you can't blame this all on him." Courtney's mother sighed.

"I don't even know why he wants to see her." Courtney looked at her baby. "It's not like he even cares. He's still with Gwen."

"Courtney, you need to focus on Kylie." Courtney's mother took the baby and got her to stop crying instantly. "See? She just needs to be cuddled and she's fine."

"That's why you should take her." Courtney crossed her arms. "I don't have time for her and my career. Plus, she hates me."

"Courtney, she does not hate you." Courtney's mother laughed. "You're being ridiculous."

"That's it. I'm calling Duncan." Courtney whipped out her phone and pressed a button to make a call. It went to voicemail.

_"Duncan, it's Courtney! Do you know Kylie? She's your daughter, ya know? the one you were supposed to pick up? When you decide to focus more time on Kylie and less time with Gwen, give me a call." _

"That should do it." Courtney smirked. "Now I'm going to go to the debate team and you can watch Kylie. Okay mom?"

"No!" Courtney's mother yelled at her. "I love my granddaughter but she's your baby and you're watching her. I want you to learn something from this."

"I did." Courtney glared at her daughter. "She has his eyes. Those are the eyes of a charmer. She's going to make all the guys want her and she's going to play them all for fools. Just like her father."

"Courtney, you should just stay home with her." Courtney's mother insisted. "Duncan's going to be here soon."

"Give me her." Courtney grabbed Kylie from her mother. "See? She does hate me. I'm calling him again."

_"Duncan and Gwen, it's Courtney again. Can you hear my daughter crying in the back ground? She's crying because she wants her Daddy and where is her Daddy? Well I'd like to know! I'm missing the debate team because of you two! I bet Gwen's over your house right now, isn't she? She told you not to answer, didn't she? She's just jealous because I have your baby. So, when Gwen is done being a boyfriend stealing whore maybe you can pick up your daughter?" _

"Real nice, Courtney." Courtney's mom rolled her eyes and picked up her book. "I'm going to the book club meeting at Mrs. Harmon's house. Have fun waiting for Duncan."

"I'm not waiting." Courtney grabbed her backpack and Kylie's diaper bag. "I guess I'm taking her to the debate team with me."

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It didn't go well at all. Kylie cried the whole time even if Courtney held her or put her in the car seat. The whole team was getting pretty annoyed with Courtney constantly stopping the meeting to tend to her baby.

"Courtney, we're leaving." Said Michelle one of the girls. "You shouldn't bring your daughter to things like this."

"Zip it, Michelle." Courtney glared. "Her Father is an asshole. I can't change that!"

Suddenly Courtney's phone started to go off and at this point everyone in her group had enough and started to leave. Courtney didn't recognize the number but it had the same area code.

_"Hello?" Courtney answered the phone. _

_"Hey Princess, it's me." Duncan spoke. _

_"Don't call me that!" Courtney yelled. "Where the hell are you?" _

_"Prison." Duncan sighed. "Can you come and get me out? I know it's my weekend to see Kylie but things came up..." _

_"Why don't you just call Gwen?" Courtney asked with a laugh. _

_"She's not talking to me." Duncan awkwardly laughed. _

_"No." Courtney told him. "I'm not doing anything for you." _

_"C'mon you know Kylie misses me." Duncan begged. "Just come and get me." _

_"Fine." Courtney sighed. "I'm only doing this because you know how to make her stop crying and I don't! Don't you dare think for a second that I care if you rot in jail and become someone's boyfriend." _

Courtney hung up the phone and grabbed all of Kylie's stuff. If Courtney didn't think that her daughter hated her she never would have done this in a million years.

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**There we go. I plan on doing Gwuncan too and none of these chapters are based off others. When I do Gwuncan I won't even mention Courtney's daughter. Each chapter is based on the two parents that go with the selected couple. I can see this happening with Duncan and Courtney. Who's next? **


	5. Tyler and Lindsay

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

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Tyler had come home from working at his job. He had his dream job of being a personal trainer while Lindsay stayed home at the apartment and cleaned and took care of their daughter Lila, who was 3 years old and Tyler called Lindsay all the time to make sure things were okay because they usually weren't and things were always misplaced which also meant that Tyler really couldn't have many friends, he didn't have the time.

When Tyler walked inside the apartment he shared with Lindsay he found her in the kitchen with bowls with vegetables and water on the table. Tyler was confused but he smiled as he sat down at the table and Lindsay kissed him on the cheek and handed him a spoon.

"Babe, what is this?" Tyler asked her.

"It's soup." Lindsay told him. "Why? What's wrong with it?"

"It's kind of cold..." Tyler confessed. "What time did you boil the water?"

"Oh, you're supposed to boil that?!" Lindsay gasped. "No wonder I didn't smell it cooking when I put all these vegetables in the water!"

"The vegetables are kind of raw too..." Tyler tasted a carrot from the 'soup'

"Lemme guess! I was supposed to put them in the water too?!" Lindsay asked him. "I threw the vegetables in the bowls right before you got in the door."

"It's the thought that counts." Tyler stood up and smiled. "How about I order us a pizza and we stay in and call it a movie night?"

"That sounds great, Tyson." Lindsay smiled. "We should check on Layla."

"That's Lila and I'm Tyler." Tyler reminded her. "I'm starting to think that I really need to buy us some nametags."

"Yeah, maybe you do." Lindsay giggled. "Do you think that this weekend I can get my hair done and maybe a new pineapple lip gloss?"

"Sure thing, Linds." Tyler agreed. "I'm going to check on Lila."

"Okay!" Lindsay told him. "I'm going to put the soup away!"

Tyler shook his head and smiled and then he went upstairs to get his daughter and change her wet diaper. She was potty training and had accidents from time to time so this wasn't a surprise that she was wet, it surprised him more when he went to change her and found that she had boy parts.

"Lindsay!" Tyler yelled. "Can you come upstairs a second?!"

Within a few minutes Lindsay's boots could be heard walking up the stairs to the baby's room. Lindsay walked in the room and saw Tyler was changing the baby and thought this was going to be a cute family bonding moment.

"Did she say another new word?!" Lindsay asked hopefully, clapping her hands.

"No." Tyler explained to her. "Look at the baby. It's a boy and we have a Daughter..."

"Oh." Lindsay looked at the baby. "Well maybe if we put a diaper on him in public and put our Daughter's clothes on this baby then it could be like our baby!"

"Yeah, but it's a boy." Tyler reminded her. "Where did you go today?"

"The mall and then I took the baby for a walk and I went on got my nails done." Lindsay told him.

"We better go to the mall and see if someone has our Lila in the nail salon." Tyler sighed. "I really wish that you would just leave her home then take her with you."

Tyler and Lindsay grabbed the small boy that was in their custody for the time being. He loved Lindsay but things like this happened almost weekly and sometimes he felt it would be better to just leave Lila home alone, at least then she wouldn't get accidentally traded for another child.

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**There you guys go! That would be Tyler and Lindsay with a mistaken baby. How's that for a chapter? Even if it was a girl, maybe they could pass it off but a boy? No way. I pictured their daughter to be a little girl with blonde hair and a headband and then the kid Lindsay brought home to be tan skinned like Courtney with like Red or Brown hair that looked nothing like either of them. Who should I do next?**


	6. Coderra

**Disclaimer: Nada. **

_A/N: This idea just came to me and I laughed and I think I may have crossed a line...Guess we'll see._

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Cody was 19 years old and attending his first year of college and he was loving it. He had an amazing girlfriend, a great roommate and he was working with a great group of people on his current literature project! Cody was sure that his life was going to turn around and go great and he was right. The second his contract ended, he left and never looked back. It was a Friday and Cody couldn't wait to get back to his dorm room and go to a party with his roommate Elliot.

"Hey Elliot, I just saw Dave and Shannon and they said that they would meet us on the South C campus." Cody told his roommate as he walked in the door. Elliot was laying on his bed with headphones in his ears.

"Huh?" Elliot removed his headphones. "Couldn't hear a word you just said. You're a really popular guy. You keep getting phone calls and I got sick of answering them, so they just all went to the answering machine."

"Who was it?" Cody asked. "My Mom? One of my many Total Drama fans?"

"I knew you were on the show but this chick is nuts." Elliot told him. "Go see all the messages she left for you."

"Oh god..." Cody sighed as he tossed his backpack on his bed and went over to the public phone that the room had. Only his Mother and his Girlfriend and two of his friends from home had this number so nobody should be calling him on this line.

_"Hey Cody! This is just Sierra calling to let you know that I love you! Oh, get a new roommate because I don't like that Elliot! Have you seen his facebook pictures? Call me back, love you!" _

_"Cody this is Sierra calling you back. I know you're most likely in class but I just want to talk to you for awhile. I have something I need to tell you! Byeee!" _

_"Hey Cody, I guess your roommate is bad at giving you messages because I've called you 5 times in the past hour and you still never called me back, so give me a call when you get back in!" _

_"Hey Cody, I called your cell phone number and I think you changed the number and forgot to give it to me! I miss you and hope you're doing well in school." _

_"Cody, It's me and I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and I can't wait for you to come and see me! Maybe at Christmas time we can get together. I haven't seen you since the show ended and then at that signing we went to at that weird mall." _

_"Cody! Guess who...I miss you and I sent you some sexy pictures in an email..." _

_"Cody, how about I come and see you? Tonight? Does that sound like a good plan? I can't wait to show you something!" _

_"Hey Cody, this is Sierra. I'm in the area and I want you to come and see me! I have something wonderful I want to show you! Call me back at 826-5142 because I really need to see you!" _

"Elliot, I'm so sorry! She's been stalking me for years." Cody sighed. "She's not a fan, she's a ex contestant on the show and she keeps bugging me."

"Are you going to call her back?" Elliot asked him. "She sounds so crazy."

"I'm not going to see her but maybe I'll call her and see what she wants." Cody sighed and dialed the number that Sierra gave him. He just wanted to get this over with and get to the party. Cody picked up the phone and dialed the number and within a second Sierra picked up.

_"Cody?!" Sierra answered the phone. _

"Hey Sierra..." Cody said in almost a whisper. "How are you?"

_"I'm doing totally great now that you called." Sierra told him. "I couldn't wait to tell you and I just know you're going to be sooooo excited." _

"I heard. I got like a million messages from you." Cody told her. "I have to get going soon, I'm going to a party with my roommate."

_"You should come and see me!" Sierra giggled. "I want you to meet Selena." _

"You know Selena Gomez?!" Cody happily asked.

_"No silly, not that Selena..." Sierra giggled. "Selena Anderson! I'll give you a clue, she's two days old and she has your eyes! Congrats Daddy!" _

"Uh...Excuse me?" Cody asked her. "Is this a joke? It has to be. You and I never slept together."

_"Oh Cody, you're so silly!" Sierra laughed. "I did an artificial insemination! That one night on the plane when Gwen was taking a shower I saw you make a hole in the way and you were really going at it and you left your finished product on the floor so I did the only thing a good mother would do and saved and now we have a precious daughter! So, what time are you coming to see us? I can send you a picture if you want!" _

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal..." Cody told her. "I think I'm going to hang up and never masturbate in any place but the shower where it can all go down the drain."

_"But Cody! What am I supposed to tell our beautiful little miracle when she wonders why Daddy isn't in her life!" Sierra asked him. "I saved her on that plane! If it wasn't for me and Chef's turkey baseter then she would be a dried up spot on the floor with a cheap carpet covering it!" _

"Tell her that her Mother is a nut case and Daddy knew nothing about this." Cody told her. "Goodbye Sierra and good luck at raising a normal baby."

_"I'll get a DNA test!" Sierra yelled at Cody. _

"Then I'll take you to court and get a restraining against you and I'll keep...Selena is it?" Cody rolled his eyes. "You won't see either of us."

Before Sierra could reply, Cody hung up on her and sighed while looking at Elliot.

"Let's go to the party." Cody told Elliot and both of them went to the party and unplugged the phone line in the room.

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**I hope I didn't cross the line with this one. I can see Sierra doing this though and at this point, Cody wouldn't give a shit. He never agreed to this and Sierra stole something that was pretty fresh. ;) I took Sierra's creepy level to a whole new level. Hope you guys like this. Also, I don't know who is worse, Cody for not going or Sierra for getting a baby in her own special way. **


	7. JustHer

**Disclaimer: Nada.**

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It's been 4 days since Justin left the bathroom. He decided to barricade himself in the bathroom because he had a pimple due to the reaction of an acne cream that he was supposed to be using for a commercial he got hired for. When he got the zit they fired him and so Justin decided he was ugly and didn't want to face the world.

There was a loud knock on his door that he tried to ignore but the knocking became more aggressive. The person on the other side was not about to give up. That's when he heard his 4 month old daughter, Justine crying on the other side of the door. He sighed, that meant Heather wanted him to do something with the baby.

"Heather!" Justin yelled. "I told you like a million times already that I'm too ugly to face the world and that world includes our daughter! You can't expect me to get her to stop crying when I still can't stop crying!"

"Sir, This is Tom Riddle! I'm from child services!" Mr. Riddle yelled. "The neighbors called and reported that there is a crying baby in this house alone and when we came into the house we found this child. We did ring the doorbell a few times and I'm afraid we barricaded the door in as well."

"Well isn't that just great!" Justin yelled through the bathroom door "Now I have an ugly door to match my ugly face!"

Sir? Can you open the door?" Tom Riddle asked. "You're in danger of losing your child."

"No I'm not." Justin told him. "Just because I'm ugly does that make you think I'm stupid too?!"

"There is nobody in this house except you and this crying infant." Tom Riddle told him. "You need to come out now so we can discuss your options!"

"Just take her!" Justin yelled. "She can have a better life growing up without me! I would never want her to grow up knowing that she has a hideous father with awful face deformities! If she stays with me she's destined to live a life with ugly people! Her prom date will be some loser who smells like beer and hangs out at the library all day looking at porn of attractive people that he wishes he could have! She'll have to get a job showing her tits to creeps who order hot wings at hooters on a Friday night! I won't let my Daughter suffer a life with Ugly people!"

"Okay, I'm taking her but once I do you'll no longer be in control of custody..." Tom Riddle reminded him.

"TAKE HER AWAY!" Justin yelled. "Take her to be with the beautiful people!"

Tom Riddle walked away with Justin's crying daughter. Justin decided to be a man and put shaving cream all over his face so Heather wouldn't have to see his ugly face until his zit cleared up. When he got downstairs he found that Heather had left him a note on the kitchen table so obviously he read it.

_Justin, _

_I have no clue when you'll see this but you've been crying over a zit in the bathroom for 2 days now. This was really getting on my nerves. Our Daughter Justine, she's been crying too and it's been giving me a headache, so I'm leaving you and her to cry alone together. This part of 'JustHer' as you call it split into two words, Just and Her as in, Just me and not you. We're over._

_Heather. _

Justin looked at the note and took a deep breath and sighed.

"Oh well...I can see why she would leave me." Just looked at the note. "I'd leave me too if I was dating someone with a face deformity like mine."

Justin continued to cry.

* * *

**My masterpiece is complete. ;) I had to do this, you guys who know me know exactly why I had to do this. I actually find this to be in character. Justin is one character that no matter how hard I try, I cannot write him seriously at all. He's a horrible joke and I think Zeke even in normal state was smarter than him. Worst Antagonist ever. **


End file.
